Bottles by Favour Ibikunle
“Now I wear guilt like a crown and shame as a garment.
I feel it will never stop (the torment)
Oh how I wish I had listened to your voice,
But I guess I was too used to mine so the connection was poor.
Nothing feels complete, because the woman who completes every part of me has left me for a journey.
I guess I was too angry that it affected a very deep side of me.
I enjoyed my own pain and then what did I gain?
I feel like a garden with beautiful flowers, yet no one comes to pluck.
I have been thrown a hundred daggers and now I am stuck.
Who would blame me? I was just angry and so was the woman who completes me.
But now I am caged in a bottle, I am surrounded
What a fool I have been, for it is I who has been drowning.
Even my own father wouldn’t save me and then I wonder who would come for me”.
After listening to my story and all that has happened, the one thing that turned me into the sad woman I am today,
Sumbo sighed and said:
“I really don’t think it is your fault. So many things could have led to her death. It could have been someone else. But hey, look at the bright side of it,
it’s not like you wanted your sister
There’s one thing you are forgetting, we are all human and we get angry. Some get angry and end up getting away with it,
Ronke, you need to break free and live the life Dayo would have wanted for you. You can’t bring her back.
Trust me, I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be sitting in a bar, entrapped in guilt that if you had answered the call she wouldn’t have died”.
“Am I that bad of a person? Just a little humanity, and now the world has turned against me.
Was it my fault that I was angry? Don’t we all get angry?
But isn’t that how I was created? To be human? To react? To be naked?
To show myself to the world and never hide?
Even if I wasn’t angry, she would die if she was MEANT TO DIE.
Please do not misunderstand me.
It’s not that I like what happened, but what if it wasn’t me?
What if it was my dad or even my mum?
I would have danced to their own song,
and told the world it wasn’t their fault”.
So after listening to my story and the one thing that held me captive, I realized I was wrong. Sumbo wasn’t my demon,
I was my demon.
But I was too scared to face me.
And with all what Sumbo has said, I think I was right when I said he was the key to my freedom.
He opened my eyes to reality and made me understand all there is to be understood.
So here I am now, looking around at the bar.
At first, when I came in, I felt like I was still inside my cage.
But now, to me, it’s just a bar with different bottles of liquor.
I spoke out loud,
“Barman, a bottle of chilled coke please!”.
So I replaced my space in the cage with my fears.
I unbottled my self and put my fears in a